with your own penis?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
