and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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