every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
