Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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