im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
These tits shall not be calmed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
