I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
