i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
