I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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