how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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