My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
