You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
