i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
