I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
