Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
