plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
