Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
