Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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