You can't special order awesome
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
