theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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