Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
