...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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