my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
