Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
