I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
