Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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