Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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