you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
