My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We are two peas in an std pod
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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