these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
