come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
