Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
