how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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