Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
A bitchslap is in order.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
