Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
