So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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