I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
