I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
