Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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