fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
