he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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