I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
