I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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