3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
