I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
