I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
