Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
