At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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