So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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