I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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