she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
