i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
